Boy, are you in trouble now!

If you are reading this from your work computer you should be very worried indeed. More importantly you should know if your employer has decided to screen your email and internet activity in order to find out your personal productivity level. If they have, well, I guess you can start collecting the photos and paper clips from your desk and make your own way out. Otherwise there might be someone at your office door, suggesting that you leave the company asap.

If you are still reading this from your work computer, stop it now! Go to google and type in anything related to your work and cross your fingers in the hope that somewhere in the netherworld of human resources the shady figure who has been looking at the log of internet pages you've been to recently will think: 'Ok, you got away this time. I can wait a bit longer'.

This is no joke, my friend. I was just reading an article 'Crisis of faith' in the Guardian online (from my home computer, I hasten to add!) about the trust - or the lack of it - between workers and employers and the elegant ways in which your employer can keep an eye on you.

Here's a quote that should make even the most reckless of you soil yourselves: 'Three-quarters of large companies monitor employees' email, reckons the American Management Association. More than a third track keystrokes and time spent at the keyboard. Half store and review employees' computer files, while 55% retain and review their employee's emails.'

Not impressed yet? How about this: 'There is no point asking if your employer is watching you. Take that as a given. Anyone in your IT department will tell you that sending an email is no different to sending a postcard. The real issue is trust. Can I trust my employer to watch me for my benefit?'

Ok, if you are still reading this from your work computer I suppose all hope is lost and you might as well start browsing some job sites and pray that your employer will not share the compromising data they have on you with your future employer. Either that, or you could just smash up your computer in the hope that the data has not been retreived for analysis yet.

I wonder if my key card will work on Monday?