Finally an invention that makes sense!

I recently called for technological innovations that could help us all achieve a better and easier lives. I believe that I've finally found one. You'll be the judge but this truly gives a new meaning for the term 'legless', if you know what I mean...

Hmm, just makes me wonder how to utilise this ingenious invention at home.....

[via Engadget]

Hostile Takeover? Freedom's gone...

This week has been pivotal for my future in at least one very significant matter. Work. The company I've worked for a couple of years was taken over by one of the major international players in the field and we have all gone through a lot of uncertainty and general feelbad. Today, it was announced that four of our employees are to be made redundant and the new organisation structure was also shown in public for the first time.

It appears that my position (in which I enjoyed some relative freedom) is now gone. I feel funny as my name was now under my former boss again. Great. I think that it all has a meaning and now the meaning is becoming clearer. I need to move on somewhere new and hopefully fast. By now, I'm sure that all my bitterness has become clear to everybody and I'm sure some might ask why so? Well yes, I still at least have a job but a job that I really do not want to do. Their way of telling me that it's time to go I guess. Who knows, only time will tell what will actually happen here...

Feel empty and somewhat reluctant to even try to work. If I'd know how, I'd write a blues about this and play it to myself. I'll just go home I think.... shit, that's still two and half very long hours ahead.

Boy, are you in trouble now!

If you are reading this from your work computer you should be very worried indeed. More importantly you should know if your employer has decided to screen your email and internet activity in order to find out your personal productivity level. If they have, well, I guess you can start collecting the photos and paper clips from your desk and make your own way out. Otherwise there might be someone at your office door, suggesting that you leave the company asap.

If you are still reading this from your work computer, stop it now! Go to google and type in anything related to your work and cross your fingers in the hope that somewhere in the netherworld of human resources the shady figure who has been looking at the log of internet pages you've been to recently will think: 'Ok, you got away this time. I can wait a bit longer'.

This is no joke, my friend. I was just reading an article 'Crisis of faith' in the Guardian online (from my home computer, I hasten to add!) about the trust - or the lack of it - between workers and employers and the elegant ways in which your employer can keep an eye on you.

Here's a quote that should make even the most reckless of you soil yourselves: 'Three-quarters of large companies monitor employees' email, reckons the American Management Association. More than a third track keystrokes and time spent at the keyboard. Half store and review employees' computer files, while 55% retain and review their employee's emails.'

Not impressed yet? How about this: 'There is no point asking if your employer is watching you. Take that as a given. Anyone in your IT department will tell you that sending an email is no different to sending a postcard. The real issue is trust. Can I trust my employer to watch me for my benefit?'

Ok, if you are still reading this from your work computer I suppose all hope is lost and you might as well start browsing some job sites and pray that your employer will not share the compromising data they have on you with your future employer. Either that, or you could just smash up your computer in the hope that the data has not been retreived for analysis yet.

I wonder if my key card will work on Monday?

Lazy, yet alive and kicking

This week has brought along.. what? Not a single post! We've been lazy, oh so lazy. Not to worry, I just might have a few words to spare.

Let's talk about weather. Isn't it the topic we all here in UK choose when there is shit-all else to chatter about? Well, today has been nice, really nice in fact. So nice that I'd much rather be outside trying to enjoy the last bits of the good old ray-ball before it gets off for its looong winter break. Just imagine, lying there on the grass (which is still green and nice btw) listening to some nice music perhaps, having a beer... Mmmm... beeerrr......

I gave in for the little technophiliac consumist inside me and ordered the new iPod nano (black 4gb). Ludicrous but ah, so beautiful! Can't wait to get my hands on it. Looking at the downsides, our desktop PC is soooo old (3 years) that it's lacking USB 2.0 ports for fast data transfer. I need to think about buying a PCI USB 2.0 card I guess. Luckily they're only about 15-20 of the local currency. Can't wait! The nano was dispatched yesterday and within 4 to 5 working days I should have my new toy.

Gadgets and new technology sometimes truly amaze me, and that's exactly what they're supposed to do - make people's lives easier and better. If only we could find a way of gaining the most out of new technologies for all of us on this planet....

Back to work. I'm on my lunch break so not much liberties this week unfortunately. By the way, meatballs with chipotles (smoked red jalapenos in rich tomato sauce) are absolutely gorgeous!

'til next time (hopefully sooner than later...)

Looking for Love?

Nygard's last post seems to have provoked someone to comment it. Now, we like this. Except when the comment suggest that we turn to the services of an online dating agency.

You never quite know what to think when someone offers dating service to you. Is he (A) just trying to be helpful and nice since we sound so bloody miserable, or (B) simply trying to take the piss? Personally, I reckon it's the secret option (C), i.e. that we are dealing with a money-grabbing low-life trying to make a living by advertising on our blog.

I also find it quite woryring that by default the joining form on the website expects you to be a 4' 0" (1.21m) tall, 80lbs. (36kg) heavy, 18-year-old kid from the States who would prefer any kind of relationship with a woman from 18 to 99 years of age.

Good luck with that guys!

Bitter words

I almost wrote a very angry and some might say grumpy post yesterday. Then I thought that if I'm going to be that angry why not try to make some sense out of it at the same time. Therefore, please take this as a warning if you are not willing to read my rant about life's lost meaning in the contemporary world.

Most of us living in the western societies are to some extent forced to follow the basic cycle of life. Get education, get a job, buy a car and a flat, get a dog and have some kids too. Do we really need to wonder what the meaning of life is anymore? Not really. In most cases our well-being and accumulation of capital for ourselves and our possible offspring seem to be the only driving forces of our lives.

This makes a helluva evolutionary theory. Just imagine, only those capable of taking part in the cycle will survive and prosper. This makes me wonder whether there is a genetic trait or some specific human characteristic that is the evolutionary trigger and thus the deciding characteristic for our survival? There must be a limit when this accumulation of capital will come to such state that there is none, or very little left to us commoners to share. Will we then see this as a triumph of evolution or as a disaster? Survival of the fittest, or the survival of those with the fattest stock investment portfolios.

It is frigging difficult to let all things just be as they are but what is there to do? The banality of the world has already reached formidable measures so how can I just keep on living without getting frustrated with other people not seeing or not being wanting to see how things really are. If more people would actually realise how this world fucntions, what are the underlying politics and why it is important to vote (I hear you asking: for who? Only thing I can tell you is ofr sure, not for GWB at least!!!) maybe the future could be slightly different.

However, the interface between the western people and the reality has become so blurry that many fail to see beyond the surface levels. Maybe the knowledge that the payday will be there at the end of each month keeps most of us ignorant and blissed...

Ok, enough of this rant. I still have two weeks until my payday. Until then, I keep thinking about how to survive in this world withouth getting too involved with politics.

Next time: less ranting, I promise.

Horrible, horrible, horrible!

It’s not easy, I tell you! You have no idea how hard I have to concentrate to write these words. The waves of sickness keep rolling over me like an army on a parade and the banging in my head just doesn’t seem to quiet down. To make things worse, I’m at work and supposed to be productive for the next few hours. Somehow I can’t see that happening.

Well, I guess I’m not entirely blameless for my sorry state. Yesterday when I was about to leave work an old friend called me and we decided to go for a coffee. Needless to say there was no coffee, but surprisingly lots of alcohol (although I did get a cup of coffee at his brothers house where we somehow ended up at 4am).

These get-togethers with old friends are great because already when you agree to go out you know it’s going to be a big night out. I mean, you just can’t go out for just one drink with a person you haven’t seen in a while, that would be outright rude. So you allow yourself a few drinks because it’s so-and-so, and you haven’t seen him in a good while, and it might be a while before you see him again. So, in the end you have successfully justified yourself a heavy night out.

Drinking with these old friends is always good. You know who you are dealing with, and if there is nothing new to talk about then you can always give into reminiscence. The problem is that you are no longer carefree students who can afford to go out on Tuesday nights without having to worry about getting up before noon the next day. For some perverted reason your employer has no understanding if you wish to take a day off because of your colossal hangover.

So here I am, in the office, with a pounding headache and a productivity level below zero. There must be some way out of this. Maybe I should set the fire alarm off. The noise would be quite difficult to deal with, though. Oh well, maybe I will just suffer in silence, but if there is a false fire alarm in your office building today, just remember: It wasn’t me!

Dude, that’s my youth

I’m not entirely sure when it happened. Not so long ago, I think. I can certainly still remember it being here. But then again, it does seem pretty far away now. Damn I miss being young. Or at least feeling young.

Youth is like a beautiful flower that should be cherished and allowed to blossom until the inevitable first frost comes and takes it away. Ok, that’s bollocks, but still, it was good to be young. The trouble is, you never realise how good you have it until it’s gone.

I suppose it comes with the age, but suddenly I find myself feeling very old when people I used to sit next to in school are buying cars and apartments all around me. It feels as if I’m the only fool not moving on with my life. But the fact is that I don’t particularly need a car or an apartment of my own. So why can’t I spend my money in the pub instead.

The sad thing is that more and more often I find that I’m in that pub alone, while my friends are enjoying their new cars and apartments. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just wish people realised that if you buy a house it doesn’t mean you are never allowed to leave it. It’s not like entering the Big Brother house.

Ok, I’m starting to sound like an old git again. Time to go to the pub, and find someone drunk enough to listen to my whining. Cheers!

Let Me Consult You

Apparently the company I work for is going to hire a consultant to find out why we are underperforming so spectacularly. Something tells me this will not result in everyone getting a nice payrise and a tap on the head. But fingers crossed, eh!

I guess this sums it up pretty nicely:



It all makes sense now...

and then some...

Sometimes I just feel like this....

This week's been a real drag. Time simply seems to have stopped going forward on its linear, never-ending path. Everyday I find myself staring at the tiny numbers in the bottom right hand corner of my screen only to find out that it is still 10.21 for the tenth time. I did promise earlier that I would not complain about my boredom at work. I might have to reconsider that bold, and perhaps a premature statement now, as I feel my time-space being thoroughly dictated by this ever-so-boring job.

Right. To fight my boredom and to make the most of the before-mentioned freedom, I have tried to engage myself with some humorous imagery found from the infinite source that is the world wide web. So, here goes... Exhibit A:

In this image, we can see a puppy used for marketing bumpsywipe or, as some of us may know it, toilet roll. Pay attention especially in the way that the uber-clever marketing department has
placed the tail of the puppy pointing upwards, portraying a symbol of male power often linked with toilet roll (?!). This leads us to the slogans they have chosen to use in this particular ad. Let us first engage with the top half of the text. Here, we can also see a reference to male-domination. Pay attention specifically to the words 'her' and 'tits'. Then combine these with 'spunk' and you're close to the solution. However, nothing would be cool should it be this simple, would it? Therefore, the all-seeing and -knowing omnipotent marketing people have added the second part of the punchline underneath the image hence demanding further attention from the viewer *cough* consumer. This inevitably draws the potential victim *cough* consumer into a conclusion that this male-oriented product also works on scheisse, aka shit. What does puzzle me a bit though, is that whereas I do understand the idea of 'spunk' and 'tits', it is less clear why anyone would associate 'shit' with 'tits'? Well, I'll be contacting their marketing to find out. Watch this space.

Let us move on to exhibit B.

Now, (har har) this is totally honest. Today, when all mothers' little chavs/ettes have little money that they nicked from their beloved single mothers' purses, they end up spending it all in a crap like this, and in McDonald's (even bigger no-no). Nevertheless, in exhibit B, we see a healthy form of marketing emerging and I dare to hope this would take wind in the future in abundance. Who, apart from the chavs, would in real life want to spend their hard earned money on poo like Now Music? I'll rest my case for the moment but all the marketing types out there, please take in from this lesson. There's a lot to learn about honesty in this world.

I feel considerably better now. It's always good to do some marketing-bashing... and the photos weren't too bad either!

I'll go and figure.

MIT Rules!

Behold! 'Tis the famous Catsup Crapper!!!


This blew me away this morning. Looks like the hard-working academics at the Massachusets Institute of Technology have a few moments in hand to solve the most intriguing mysteries of the human kind. You'll be the judge... More info available on request but menawhile, feast yourselves with this

Enjoy