Thou Shalt Not Drink With Your Colleagues!

Horrible, horrible, horrible. There are few things worse than dragging yourself to work on Monday. And it doesn't help if you have spent most of the weekend drunk and miserable.

I suppose it all started to go wrong on Friday when I went out with some colleagues. That was the first mistake, right there. A powerful argument for the non-existence of God is that there was no mention of not drinking with people you work with in the Ten Commandments.

Anyway, there I was, drinking with people I have worked with for a year, but so far not spent any amount of time with outside work. After a couple of drinks it still seemed like it could all be relatively painless, but that's always the case isn't it, that's why you stay longer. Before you know it you are talking rubbish that you would never think of saying if you were sober. To make things worse you will probably not remember what it was. This is the sort of stuff that paranoia is made of.

When you finally realise that it’s time to go home, you are already late. You have been talking to people about what at the time seemed like intelligent and serious issues (and getting very drunk in the process) so it is very difficult to see that instead of humorous and opinionated, you are actually a complete twat. This is almost guaranteed to cause an argument when you return home. The only hope is that your better half is already asleep and you pass out in the hall.

The next day is no better. When the headache starts to calm down and you start to remember what took place last night the moral hangover is ready to set in. This will take all Saturday, if you are even a half decent human being. It can be a painful experience to listen to people telling you what you have been doing and saying the night before (this doesn’t get easier with practise), so unplugging your phone may be wise.

On Sunday it is possible to have some short periods when you are feeling normal but pretty soon you realise that tomorrow you have to see the people you work with again. How can you act normal after last Friday? And it's not just the next day, if you’re really unlucky you will spend the next 30 years or more working with the same people. Realising this will bring you very near to a mental break down.

But the true climax is always Monday morning when you return to work. Horrible enough after a nice relaxing weekend but even more agonizing after you have spent the whole weekend hating yourself.

So, enjoy the beginning of the week, and don’t forget to get drunk again on Friday! Get your boss to come out too, that’s even more fun!