Holidays, vol. 3

Today I spent the entire afternoon deciding whether a brochure should have a green or orange background.

The reason for the amount of time that I took making my decision was not my sudden lapse of sanity or chronic indecision, but simply the fact that there was absolutely nothing else to do. So, I gave it some serious thought, or at least stared at the options in front of me and wondered how many people would even notice if I didn’t come to work for a week or two.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that my colleagues would probably notice my absence unless there were the odd rants and curses coming from my office (maybe if I recorded my own warbling and left a tape recorder in my office…). But the amount of work I have certainly wouldn’t have been a problem. The work I have managed to do in the last fortnight could easily have been done in a day or two, max.

I suppose in a way this is like being on a holiday. You just have to show up for breakfast, play nicely in your room until lunch, and then have coffee breaks with as many people as possible until it’s time to go home. When I was little I went to summer camps that had more structure than my average day at work this July.

It’s not that I miss the winter when everyone is stressed out because they have too much work, but there’s just no point showing up at work when half the office – and the nation, it seems – are on holidays. It is simply impossible to get anything done. Try spending an entire afternoon in January deciding on a background colour of a brochure and you get sacked before you can say red.

Since it’s unlikely that this problem will disappear in the near future, here are three useful tips for those bored at work:

1. Escape the office. Gather up your mates and tell your boss you have to go out and take their pictures for the company newsletter. Then head for the nearest pub and use the photos in the archive. If that doesn’t work just kick the coffee machine in the office until it stops working, so you have to go out for a coffee.

2. Take up gambling. You can make a deal with your colleagues that the first one to receive a work-related call or e-mail will buy everyone lunch (then get your friend to make a fake inquiry to someone. They’ll never know).

3. Suggest a company sports day. If you manage to get the company directors to do any kind of physical exercise I guarantee that most of the fat bastards will hurt themselves badly enough to take a few days off. Life is just more pleasant when they are not there to keep an eye on you all the time.

If all else fails you just have to try to imagine all the ways how Hell will be more unpleasant than an average day at work in July. I haven’t come up with so many myself.

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P.S. The brochure background will be green - unless I change my mind tomorrow afternoon.