Today I spent the entire afternoon deciding whether a brochure should have a green or orange background.
The reason for the amount of time that I took making my decision was not my sudden lapse of sanity or chronic indecision, but simply the fact that there was absolutely nothing else to do. So, I gave it some serious thought, or at least stared at the options in front of me and wondered how many people would even notice if I didn’t come to work for a week or two.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that my colleagues would probably notice my absence unless there were the odd rants and curses coming from my office (maybe if I recorded my own warbling and left a tape recorder in my office…). But the amount of work I have certainly wouldn’t have been a problem. The work I have managed to do in the last fortnight could easily have been done in a day or two, max.
I suppose in a way this is like being on a holiday. You just have to show up for breakfast, play nicely in your room until lunch, and then have coffee breaks with as many people as possible until it’s time to go home. When I was little I went to summer camps that had more structure than my average day at work this July.
It’s not that I miss the winter when everyone is stressed out because they have too much work, but there’s just no point showing up at work when half the office – and the nation, it seems – are on holidays. It is simply impossible to get anything done. Try spending an entire afternoon in January deciding on a background colour of a brochure and you get sacked before you can say red.
Since it’s unlikely that this problem will disappear in the near future, here are three useful tips for those bored at work:
1. Escape the office. Gather up your mates and tell your boss you have to go out and take their pictures for the company newsletter. Then head for the nearest pub and use the photos in the archive. If that doesn’t work just kick the coffee machine in the office until it stops working, so you have to go out for a coffee.
2. Take up gambling. You can make a deal with your colleagues that the first one to receive a work-related call or e-mail will buy everyone lunch (then get your friend to make a fake inquiry to someone. They’ll never know).
3. Suggest a company sports day. If you manage to get the company directors to do any kind of physical exercise I guarantee that most of the fat bastards will hurt themselves badly enough to take a few days off. Life is just more pleasant when they are not there to keep an eye on you all the time.
If all else fails you just have to try to imagine all the ways how Hell will be more unpleasant than an average day at work in July. I haven’t come up with so many myself.
-------------
P.S. The brochure background will be green - unless I change my mind tomorrow afternoon.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
No Sir, I can’t Boogie!
What a horrible feeling - realizing you are getting old. It is Tuesday as I’m writing this and I still haven’t quite recovered from the weekend.
I suppose I only have myself to blame. I had an old friend visiting me, which is always a pretty good guarantee that the weekend will be spent very, very drunk. And this weekend was no exception. I suppose it’s always like that when old friends meet after not being in touch for a long time. You need a few drinks to break the ice and remind yourself why you were friends in the first place. And before long you’re all relaxed and chatting just like old times – the only difference being that now you are actually talking about the old times.
Now, there is nothing wrong with talking about your past with old friends. But this time we decided to take it a step further: We made a conscious decision to visit our past, and to relive the joys of being young and wild. To achieve this we abandoned the nice, quiet pub where we normally stay all night and headed to the disco (are they still called that?) where we used to spend most of our weekends ten years ago. This, of course, was a mistake of colossal proportions.
There is always something strange about walking into a room when you can tell that most people there had not yet been conceived by the time you passed your driving test. I wonder if teachers ever get used to that? Maybe that’s why you could sometimes see a brief look of horror on their faces when they entered the class room? Or was that just common sense? But then again, how much common sense can you have if you choose a career that keeps you in confined spaces with juveniles for the best part of any given day?
Anyway, there we were in the disco, instantly feeling like relics among the young and beautiful. H&M catalogues on legs was what my friend called them (I’m too intimidated by them to shop in H&M so I had to take his word for it). More troubling than feeling like an outsider was realizing that these kids were exactly like we used to be: young, happy, and in various states of intoxication. In fact, they were so like us that we were able to spot old friends we used to come here with: the drunk, the womanizer, the couple kissing in front of the toilets and blocking the way for the people in need, they were all there, only younger.
In our drunken state we agreed all this to be an existential problem too far from our reach, so we headed for the dance floor instead. That’s where another painful memory hit me: the feeling when you are drunk enough to want to dance but not drunk enough to ignore your inability to move your body to the music or look like you’re relaxed and having a good time. And now there’s the added misery of feeling old. Meanwhile everyone around you seems to know exactly what to do, and you just can’t help wondering how stupid you must look like to all those people standing there watching.
After enough humiliation – and far too much alcohol – we finally decided to call it a day. And what did we learn from all this? Well, we will be doing everything in our power to stop time travel ever becoming reality. But since there’s very little we can do about it, and the chances of it actually working are pretty slim, I guess we can just sit back and moan in peace.
I suppose I only have myself to blame. I had an old friend visiting me, which is always a pretty good guarantee that the weekend will be spent very, very drunk. And this weekend was no exception. I suppose it’s always like that when old friends meet after not being in touch for a long time. You need a few drinks to break the ice and remind yourself why you were friends in the first place. And before long you’re all relaxed and chatting just like old times – the only difference being that now you are actually talking about the old times.
Now, there is nothing wrong with talking about your past with old friends. But this time we decided to take it a step further: We made a conscious decision to visit our past, and to relive the joys of being young and wild. To achieve this we abandoned the nice, quiet pub where we normally stay all night and headed to the disco (are they still called that?) where we used to spend most of our weekends ten years ago. This, of course, was a mistake of colossal proportions.
There is always something strange about walking into a room when you can tell that most people there had not yet been conceived by the time you passed your driving test. I wonder if teachers ever get used to that? Maybe that’s why you could sometimes see a brief look of horror on their faces when they entered the class room? Or was that just common sense? But then again, how much common sense can you have if you choose a career that keeps you in confined spaces with juveniles for the best part of any given day?
Anyway, there we were in the disco, instantly feeling like relics among the young and beautiful. H&M catalogues on legs was what my friend called them (I’m too intimidated by them to shop in H&M so I had to take his word for it). More troubling than feeling like an outsider was realizing that these kids were exactly like we used to be: young, happy, and in various states of intoxication. In fact, they were so like us that we were able to spot old friends we used to come here with: the drunk, the womanizer, the couple kissing in front of the toilets and blocking the way for the people in need, they were all there, only younger.
In our drunken state we agreed all this to be an existential problem too far from our reach, so we headed for the dance floor instead. That’s where another painful memory hit me: the feeling when you are drunk enough to want to dance but not drunk enough to ignore your inability to move your body to the music or look like you’re relaxed and having a good time. And now there’s the added misery of feeling old. Meanwhile everyone around you seems to know exactly what to do, and you just can’t help wondering how stupid you must look like to all those people standing there watching.
After enough humiliation – and far too much alcohol – we finally decided to call it a day. And what did we learn from all this? Well, we will be doing everything in our power to stop time travel ever becoming reality. But since there’s very little we can do about it, and the chances of it actually working are pretty slim, I guess we can just sit back and moan in peace.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Holidays, vol. 2
EDIT: posted by N on behalf of Mick
Holiday season is upon us - be warned!
It's the time of the year when normal, sensible, people turn into "holiday makers". The process is very similar to that, which turns some folks into werevolves during full moon. But instead of wanting our blood (unless maybe if it's properly packaged and marketed as a gift item for that special someone, and comes with a miniature shamppoo) they put on their most psychedelic Hawaii shirts, designer sunglasses and shorts that leave far too little to imagination, and head out in the relentless hunt for fun.
Now, there's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself and making the most of the little time that most of us are allowed outside our workplaces (this, of course, does not apply to post graduate students, who only go on holidays to have some structure and predictability in their lives). What is worrying though, is the intensity with which the average holiday maker sets upon the task of filling every minute of the holiday with action. People actually go on holidays with itinerarys that list everything that is a "must". God help you if you try to stop someone rushing from the over priced "Virtual Tour of a Traditional Village Experience" (most likely right next to the real thing, which you could see for free) to "A Traditional Feast", desperately trying to keep their tight schedule. How could they stop? That would mean abandoning the PLAN! And we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?
Another interesting quality that holiday makers seem to develop the moment their plane lands on foreign soil is the fascination with almost everything "traditional". Now, most of the places where we live today have ancient ruins or at least museums that tell us what may have been there. But you don't see people rushing to a nearby "site of cultural importance" after work. No, it takes a holiday, hours in steaming hot busses, and a whole bunch of people trying to sell you sarongs to make people interested in some piles of stones. Or do you think that most foreign visitors to traditional music sessions in Irish pubs could name a single folk music artist in their own countries?
After following a strict schedule for a fortnight the tired but happy holiday maker can finally return to work and relax. Now you only have to show all your holiday photos to everyone you know, make them drink some local wines (that cost next to nothing for a reason) you picked up, and tell them all about some wonderful people you met on holiday, but your guests never will.
All in all, it seems that people return from holidays more exhausted than they were before, and still manage to piss everyone else off with their stories. It's a small wonder that Holiday brochures don't have to carry health warnings like the ones taking most of the space on cigarette packets: "Holidays will exhaust you and those around you!" "Holidays cause stress!"
Well, mustn't linger... I'm almost late for my holiday already!
Mick Blogger
Holiday season is upon us - be warned!
It's the time of the year when normal, sensible, people turn into "holiday makers". The process is very similar to that, which turns some folks into werevolves during full moon. But instead of wanting our blood (unless maybe if it's properly packaged and marketed as a gift item for that special someone, and comes with a miniature shamppoo) they put on their most psychedelic Hawaii shirts, designer sunglasses and shorts that leave far too little to imagination, and head out in the relentless hunt for fun.
Now, there's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself and making the most of the little time that most of us are allowed outside our workplaces (this, of course, does not apply to post graduate students, who only go on holidays to have some structure and predictability in their lives). What is worrying though, is the intensity with which the average holiday maker sets upon the task of filling every minute of the holiday with action. People actually go on holidays with itinerarys that list everything that is a "must". God help you if you try to stop someone rushing from the over priced "Virtual Tour of a Traditional Village Experience" (most likely right next to the real thing, which you could see for free) to "A Traditional Feast", desperately trying to keep their tight schedule. How could they stop? That would mean abandoning the PLAN! And we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?
Another interesting quality that holiday makers seem to develop the moment their plane lands on foreign soil is the fascination with almost everything "traditional". Now, most of the places where we live today have ancient ruins or at least museums that tell us what may have been there. But you don't see people rushing to a nearby "site of cultural importance" after work. No, it takes a holiday, hours in steaming hot busses, and a whole bunch of people trying to sell you sarongs to make people interested in some piles of stones. Or do you think that most foreign visitors to traditional music sessions in Irish pubs could name a single folk music artist in their own countries?
After following a strict schedule for a fortnight the tired but happy holiday maker can finally return to work and relax. Now you only have to show all your holiday photos to everyone you know, make them drink some local wines (that cost next to nothing for a reason) you picked up, and tell them all about some wonderful people you met on holiday, but your guests never will.
All in all, it seems that people return from holidays more exhausted than they were before, and still manage to piss everyone else off with their stories. It's a small wonder that Holiday brochures don't have to carry health warnings like the ones taking most of the space on cigarette packets: "Holidays will exhaust you and those around you!" "Holidays cause stress!"
Well, mustn't linger... I'm almost late for my holiday already!
Mick Blogger
Thursday, July 21, 2005
fake.terrorism.london?
EDIT: It does appear now that some, or at least one, real bombs have gone off as well. There's a reported nail bomb explosion but no reports on casualties. I'm dependent on the very same media as I mention below so what is the actual situation, remains to be seen.
Now then, four minor 'explosions' have taken place in the London transport network today. Exactly two weeks after the most recent terrorist attacks happened. Fortunately, it appears that these were hoaxes and nobody's badly hurt. This really makes me wonder who are these sick dimwits who think that such activities are fun? If these people have no other intention than to cause mayhem and to upset people, they have succeeded. But why? Is this some kind of strictly media-based terrorism that relies on media's power to spread the images of such actions in real time around the world and therefore keep people living in fear? I'm not sure but surely people trying pull these kind of stunts can be easily caught, considering they did'n blow themselves up in these incidents, only their backpacks.
Usually, the authorities (?) are not too keen to release information before having more information on what's actually happened. I guess this is to prevent widespread panic and fear in the wider public. How, then, in a case like this should the media react? BBC News was quick to report 'incidents' on the transport network but almost just as quick to provide more information about the very nature of these incidents. The reactions of the people here in my office were varied. Some truly distressed and some showing no feelings. I definitely felt something, just like I did two weeks ago. Media will surely react in any case to an 'incident' such as this but the reactions of the people will just as likely remain varied. I feel impotent making this comment as there is no answer in my mind.
Helsinki is hosting the IAAF World Athletics Championships in a couple of weeks time. I really do hope that no new incidents like this happen before or during those games. I shouldn't even bother mentioning the chances of a real attack there.
Well, after this babbling I'll be looking even more forward to going to sauna as soon as I get home and whipping my back red with a real VIHTA.
Later
Holidays
As it's the holiday season and I'll be off to Finland for a holiday next week, I thought that this might be our first topic and serve as a 'soft' start as well...
What do we do with our holidays? Well, here in the UK it appears that most people distribute their holidays around the year, taking a week here and a few days there. People with kids usually try to match these holidays with school holidays so that they can do 'family things', which is perfectly natural and surely rather universal.
It appears to me that package holidays and lowcost airlines make the most out of this season as everybody is jetting off to somewhere to relax, tan, party and have fun. People from my office are on their way to Greek islands and the Balearics and the ones with families are heading to Alton Towers and EuroDisney.
This appears to have become a norm in the holiday behaviour at least here in the UK. Flying off to do 'something nice'. It's also made very easy by the dozens of package holiday companies and lowcost airlines mentioned above. I gues I'll be doing something 'similar' as well. I'll take off with my better half to the isolated corner of Europe also known as Finland. Theme parks, sun, fun and partying? Maybe, but for me the best bit is to get to 'the middle of nowhere' - my family's summer cabin by a lake. Fishing, reading, boating, eating, drinking, sleeping, going to sauna... Far from the hassle of the world and the stressed atmosphere of the office.
Maybe this is the trait that most clearly outlines my Finnishness in the end. Many of us still tend to long for the nature (not everybody, of course) and the hum of the forest... Bizarre altogether for my colleagues to say the least, but also something that seems to be deeply embedded in many of us. If you don't mind the nastily whining mosquito or the ever-so-unpredictable summer weather, I bet you'd find Finnish summer cabin experience rather relaxing.
When the people in my office return from their action-packed holidays, they seem to be very tired and even less alive than before going for the holiday. Is this the effect they are after? I think that while it's good to party hard when you're young, one should also remember to give oneself some rest. This also makes me wonder about when did I become such a bore? Maybe it is the forest and the lakes and all the relaxation involved. Not too bored of that though!
Now I'll go and whip myself senseless...
N.
What do we do with our holidays? Well, here in the UK it appears that most people distribute their holidays around the year, taking a week here and a few days there. People with kids usually try to match these holidays with school holidays so that they can do 'family things', which is perfectly natural and surely rather universal.
It appears to me that package holidays and lowcost airlines make the most out of this season as everybody is jetting off to somewhere to relax, tan, party and have fun. People from my office are on their way to Greek islands and the Balearics and the ones with families are heading to Alton Towers and EuroDisney.
This appears to have become a norm in the holiday behaviour at least here in the UK. Flying off to do 'something nice'. It's also made very easy by the dozens of package holiday companies and lowcost airlines mentioned above. I gues I'll be doing something 'similar' as well. I'll take off with my better half to the isolated corner of Europe also known as Finland. Theme parks, sun, fun and partying? Maybe, but for me the best bit is to get to 'the middle of nowhere' - my family's summer cabin by a lake. Fishing, reading, boating, eating, drinking, sleeping, going to sauna... Far from the hassle of the world and the stressed atmosphere of the office.
Maybe this is the trait that most clearly outlines my Finnishness in the end. Many of us still tend to long for the nature (not everybody, of course) and the hum of the forest... Bizarre altogether for my colleagues to say the least, but also something that seems to be deeply embedded in many of us. If you don't mind the nastily whining mosquito or the ever-so-unpredictable summer weather, I bet you'd find Finnish summer cabin experience rather relaxing.
When the people in my office return from their action-packed holidays, they seem to be very tired and even less alive than before going for the holiday. Is this the effect they are after? I think that while it's good to party hard when you're young, one should also remember to give oneself some rest. This also makes me wonder about when did I become such a bore? Maybe it is the forest and the lakes and all the relaxation involved. Not too bored of that though!
Now I'll go and whip myself senseless...
N.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Welcome to Sauna, presented by the Electric Vihta
This is to welcome everybody to our brand new blog "Electric Vihta". For those of you who do not know what a 'vihta' is, let's give you a brief but intimate introduction. 'Vihta', or 'vasta', is related to the great sauna culture of Finland and is literally a bunch of birch branches tied together with another twig of birch. It requires personal skills and a specific time of the year to put together the perfect vihta.
Well, what do you do with it then, I hear you ask. As mentioned, vihta is used in the sauna once bathing there. In a nicely heated sauna, the vihta is first soaked in hot water to make it soft. Then, as the water is thrown on the stove and the steam lands on your shoulders, you whip yourseldf gently with the 'vihta'. This greatly stimulates your circulation and clarifies the pores of your skin leaving it refreshed and relaxed.
There, that's 'vihta' in short. This blog, nevertheless, is not only about 'electric' vihta (which I'm sure you realized doesn't exist in reality). This sauna with an 'electric vihta', as we'd like to perceive it, is a forum to whip the existing reality that we all roam within. There will be more than one narrator and to make things a little more interesting, our narrators are not all from one locus nor from one nationality. Posts will be comparative by nature, usually on the axis Finland-United Kingdom, but other viewpoints may occur.
Electric vihta will take on any topic and place it under scrutiny. In the course of this blog, we hope that you'll enjoy reading our little excursions into the world as we see it. Hopefully you'll feel as relaxed and refreshed as using a real vihta.
The format will hopefully follow the next guidelines (not strictly):
-first post of the week decides the topic (anything from media, work, culture, reality (hehey), etc.). Whoever is first gets to choose...
-following posts will provide different points of view with a comparative perspective.
Vihtomisiin (Finnish for 'until the next vihta time')!
Nygard
Well, what do you do with it then, I hear you ask. As mentioned, vihta is used in the sauna once bathing there. In a nicely heated sauna, the vihta is first soaked in hot water to make it soft. Then, as the water is thrown on the stove and the steam lands on your shoulders, you whip yourseldf gently with the 'vihta'. This greatly stimulates your circulation and clarifies the pores of your skin leaving it refreshed and relaxed.
There, that's 'vihta' in short. This blog, nevertheless, is not only about 'electric' vihta (which I'm sure you realized doesn't exist in reality). This sauna with an 'electric vihta', as we'd like to perceive it, is a forum to whip the existing reality that we all roam within. There will be more than one narrator and to make things a little more interesting, our narrators are not all from one locus nor from one nationality. Posts will be comparative by nature, usually on the axis Finland-United Kingdom, but other viewpoints may occur.
Electric vihta will take on any topic and place it under scrutiny. In the course of this blog, we hope that you'll enjoy reading our little excursions into the world as we see it. Hopefully you'll feel as relaxed and refreshed as using a real vihta.
The format will hopefully follow the next guidelines (not strictly):
-first post of the week decides the topic (anything from media, work, culture, reality (hehey), etc.). Whoever is first gets to choose...
-following posts will provide different points of view with a comparative perspective.
Vihtomisiin (Finnish for 'until the next vihta time')!
Nygard
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