Don't try this at home

It's been three days and a couple of hours since I stopped smoking. And I'm hating it!

It's not the first time either. I've been on and off cigarettes for the past 15 years. The longest break I had was a couple of years. but somehow I always get back into the old habit. You know how it is: you're in a pub, everyone else is smoking so it doesn't really make a difference if you have one, and so it goes. The next day you just finish the ones left in the packet. Then you just get a packet of ten, just for special occasions. And after a couple of days every coffee break is a special, bloody occasion.

So I'm a veteran of failed attempts to quit smoking. And now I'm trying again. The difference is that this time my reasons are quite different from before. There are, naturally, some of the same factors that you encounter in a country like Finland every winter: at some point you just start feeling like a mug standing outside in the rain or snow, freezing your ass off, and sucking on fag, while other are enjoying healthy life indoors.

But this time there is another reason. More pressing than the usual ones. Now I'm simply fed up of going for a cigarette at work, not because of the facilities (which are crap by the way, but as a smoker you learn to live with that) but because of the endless whining and whinging that goes on there. I mean, half the fun of having a fag at work is that you can have a break from your work. But when you go out and all that people are talking about is how horrible their jobs are, it's just too much for me. I'm not kidding, it's like the old Monty Python sketch about the moaning yorkshiremen: "Oh, my job is so shite, I have to work 20 hours a day for 10 cents per hour". "You have it so good. I have to work round the clock, and they don't even pay me". "But that's nothing, I have to work 30 hours a day, 8 days a week, and pay to even get into the building!" It's fun for the first couple of days but then it starts to get to you.

So, it's no more cigarettes for moi. I will start a new, healthy life, free from all the moaning and whinging. Maybe as an added bonus my blood circulation will return to normal and my hands and feet will stop feeling so bloody cold all the time.

That's the plan, anyway. I'll let you know if I fall off the wagon.

Just in case...

..you are as bored as I have been lately:

Click here only if you are ready to switch your brain off for a good while and stare at your screen.

If that doesn't do it for you try this

Go nuts!

Feared 'Chaveller'

The next are quotes from The Independent

http://travel.independent.co.uk/news_and_advice/article327167.ece

"When chavs first burst on to the scene in their tacky tracksuits, designer baseball caps and oversized jewellery, Middle England shuddered.

"A few years later, those concerns have been justified. Chavs have indeed taken over their world.

"Taking upward mobility to new heights, the "chaveller" has become such a common figure abroad that the middle classes are opting for some of the most far-flung locations in the world to avoid them. According to the UK and European Travel Report, instead of heading for the beaches of Spain or Portugal, the chav-allergic tourist is more likely to explore countries such as Mozambique or Libya.

"According to the report, the rise of cheap air fares has propelled the "chav" around the world. The trend has gathered pace because "chavellers" feel more able to quit their well-paid jobs or trades, knowing they can pick them up again when they return home."

Oh dear, I have sometimes dreamed about doing something like working for a while, saving money, leaving my job and then go for a nice treat somewhere to then come back to look for another job and so on and so forth. I actually did not have a clue that such category was assigned to the chavs...At least they are enjoying some of that sort of freedom that many of us can only dream about.

Well done for the chavs! (Be aware that this comment is limited to the content of this article and not to the rest of the chavs' activities/attitudes)

No more comments.

Useless...

That's me. Haven't been able to write again for good two weeks. This time it truly feels like I have nothing to say. Been busy at work, tired at home and generally wondering what the hell do I want to do with my life.

It all goes back to work, as always. As I'm currently in a situation that I have no job description (but a mountain of work on my desk) I'm supposed to figure out how to place my position in frames and perhaps, even give it a name. Now, it's not that I'm incapable of inventing fancy titles and all that bull, it's rather that I currently run three different projects, out of which none have a thing in common with one another, and that makes the framework question a bit less feasible than it already is.

To be honest, I shouldn't be writing about this stuff as I know that it's utterly boring and useless information for anyone possibly reading but it's how I feel, honestly.

I'm going to visit my homeland this weekend as Ryanair was kind enough to sell me a ticket for £26 return. It should be fun as it's one of my best friend's birthday party as well. Nice too see the 'old faces' after a while. In fact, this is what I am really looking forward to - seeing all the guys (and now their better halves as well) from the past and realizing that we are still all the same. No uncomfortable feelings and superficially polite comments about each other's jobs, no comparison of the 'keys for the cadillacs' and most importantly - no necessity to appreciate how great it was that England beat Argentina on Saturday. I'll report on this occasion later, with a huge likelyhood proving myself entirely wrong on how the 'old faces' were...

This is turning out to be a much longer post than I anticipated and therefore I might as well mention a few words about our recent trip to Champagne. This was a very nice trip made with a couple of friends from the university years. None of us had been really keen champagne drinkers but as we were about to spend three days in the heart of the region, it would have been a waste not to sample some of the local product. Scenery was truly nice and specifically Epernay and the Marne valley were really nice. And just how lucky were we - it was above 2o degrees all the time as well!

Well, even if I'm not sure yet what is so great about champagne, at least I can now tell how it's been made and what are the different varieties etc. Actually, I have to admit that some of the vintage stuff was quite nice, if a bit dry to my liking. After all, a really nice break with nice company - that's enough for me.

Next time, I'll be sure to get some interesting stuff here and maybe whine a little bit less about the job. Well, just maybe...

For men only

I had my birthday recently. One of the presents I got was a set of face scrub and moisturiser for men. Oh, good, I thought. Just the sort of thing that a modern man needs. But something about the concept of "products for men" was bothering me. Maybe it was some primal resistance reflex to cleanliness, or maybe it was common sense. Anyway, I did what I suspecteed a modern man would do and did a search on the Internet. The quote below I found on www.expresschemist.co.uk:

"Modern, 21st Century Man is more interested in appearance and health than he's ever been, and so he should be. With all the great products on the market now there's no reason why Men shouldn't be as clean and healthy as possible."

Ah, there we have it! Step aside filthy Neanderthals, the modern man is here and he's armed to teeth with all kinds of manly health products. Technology has finally come up with weapons to fight man's natural smells and looks.

But hold on. There's something wrong with the picture. After the modern man has finally cracked under the pressure and bought himself every possible lotion and potion for men it should be time to sit back and wait for them to start working their magic. But instead a sneaky feeling of suspicion starts to bother the modern man. Suddenly the bathroom is full of boxes, jars, tubes and cans: there's a girly moisturiser for her, and a butch one for him; there's anti-wrinkle cream for her, and a more manly looking one for him. The list goes on and on.

So, what exactly is the difference between a moisturiser for women and the one for men? Do they put a drop of testosterone in the cream for men? Does it make you less of a man if you share a skin product with your wife? Or could it be possible that we are being taken for fools?

It must have been a great moment in the marketing department of the Great Soap and Cream Corporation when (undoubtedly after a long pub lunch) someone came up with it. It was so simple that it was scary: "let's convince men that they need a separate face cream from the one that women use". There it was. All it took was some masculine, blue and chrome packaging and a rumour that using your wife's soap will make you gay. After that they could light their cigars, pour themselves stiff drinks and watch the sales figures double.

And it didn't stop there. Once they had got started the ideas came almost effortlessly: Creams for morning, day, and evening followed. A soap for mondays, hair gel for cloudy weather, and a foot soak for hermaphrodites are expected to be in shops any day now.

I'm telling you, our children will go to museums to see displays of life in the last days of 20th century, and they will cry in front of the authentic bathroom: "how horrid it must have been for poor old mum and dad, sharing a bar of soap, and what's that, oh God NO, unisex body lotion!"

Working class hero

I went to a friend’s party recently. Most of the people there I already knew from before: work mates, friends, and so on. It was a pretty normal party, some people talking about the latest office gossip, others complaining how they still hadn’t manage to finish their theses, and the rest just getting happily intoxicated.

"As soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be"

At some point in the course of the evening I bumped into a girl I hadn’t met before and we got talking. She had quite recently moved into town. Ah, so another student I figured. But no, she had come here for a job. Ok. So, what field is she in then? Cleaning. Cleaning? Yes, cleaning. To fund her studies, right? No, that’s just what she does. Yes, quite, well, another drink then?

"They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be"

I haven’t felt that stupid in a good while (and this is coming from someone who feels more or less stupid most of the time). I had completely frozen. I just did not know what to say to a cleaner at party. But why? I couldn’t pass for a snob if I tried, it’s not about an attitude. And also, I meet cleaners every day at work, this is not supposed to be a big thing.

"When they've tortured and scared you for 20 odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can't really function you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be"

It may seem like I’m the smallest person on the planet here for having a problem like this. But what I figured afterwards (yes I actually had to think this through) was that what had failed me was the context. I can have a perfectly nice conversation with our office cleaner when she comes round to our end of the office. The thing is just that I have never met a cleaner in a party before.

"Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you're so clever and classless and free
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be"

Now, before you go and think that I’m some posh twit who only goes to champagne parties and caviar restaurants, I’ll set the record straight: that’s not it! I go to normal parties at normal peoples houses. The thing is just that the way the society works also pretty much determines who we meet and socialise with. After you finish compulsory education comes the first divide: some go to study more and make new friends, others go to work and also make new friends. These groups don’t necessarily mix as much as might think. Then later on at work, you are much more likely to go out for a drink with your colleague than anyone else.

"There's room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be"

That’s just how it goes. During the years of this division, you somehow forget that the division is there at all. That’s until the perfect image falls apart and you have to face the fact that you are in fact very much the product of what your work, colour of skin, education, religion, and society has turned you into. So much for being so bloody classless and free and all that jazz.

(Quotes from Working class hero by John Lennon)

The Americas

Nice pictures awaiting for Bush's presence in South America.

How to survive a social inept when you...

share office with one?
share friends with one?

Normally, you and some of your friends would befriend this person, who will always try to talk her/his own interests and very rarely would let you talk the normal nonsense. But, well, somehow, this person is in most of the social events that you and/or your friends attend. And you begin to think that maybe this person is actually more normal than you think. Maybe you are the weird one.

But then,
this social inept appears to go to every single party, barbacue, and events taking place. Even to those that you are not invited or wouldn't be carelss about. That should have been a sympton of socil ineptness, but you do not care anymore. Then this goes out of control.

One of your friends decides to let a room, in a desperate act, in her house to this social inept. And things begin to go wrong between them and the others living in that house. One by one, all begin to fall....and I am not taking here about birds affected by any avian virus. Just human social ineptness in its best.

Inevitably,
your friends and the social inept have a quarrel. The events taking place at the moment between my friends and the other person should be part of a 'psycho' story for which this is not proper space.

And what matters to me is that,
the social inept is defensive of any 'normal' comment I make in the office.

Obvious solution should be to change office. But, with the fact that this is not am available option, what is one to do?

Yes, there is me in this tiny office, with cramped desks and stuff. And this social inept. Great.

I know that eventually, even if i try my best to avoid meeting with this person, we will be alone in the office. The awkwardness of the idea is quite ugly to me. In this case, the best imagined scenario would be that we ignore each other and live happily ever after. However, when I think that this person is capable of being so emotionally and socially incapable, I truly don't know how this will work out. Because as a normal human being, I am so sure that I will begin to speak, even about the traditional weather, and what if I say something that can be interpreted as 'mean'? I cannot beleive how this has been bothering me, and this is my main point.

In a world where you are expected to become part of the machinery which mostlikely will be exploited for the benefit of a white fat capitalist, the least I expected was to have some kind of basic enjoyment. You know, even pavlovian dogs must have had some. I was hoping to like my working environment, and to meet nice people, who may like to spend time together with and without compromises. Now, I wonder if these social inepts are mass produced by the white fat capitalist just to annoy us and remind us that he has control even over our enjoyments....

Finally, I tried to look for some sort of proper image to attach here, but i truly couldn't think of anything that could even resemble this person and the situation.

Ashamed for being utterly lazy again. One of my excuses could be that I've been ridiculously busy at work (not common, I know) and that once I've made my way back home, been too tired to write anything.

Work has once again, unfortunately, been the dominant activity lately. We've managed to see the latest Wallace and Gromit film, which was hilarious, but that's about it. This weekend I'm planning to do much of the same that has been done over the previous weekends - pretty much nothing.



Some kind of an autumn depression seems to be predominant these days. The days are getting shorter and hence much darker in the afternoons. I should be used to this as I spent most of my life in Finland where the change is even more radical than here but as it appears, it just still seems to have a little effect on me.

We'll be making a quick visit to France and the region of Champagne the following weekend and I'm really looking forward to it. At least something to wait for...

Ok. I'll try to make the next post slightly more interesting and maybe even get some gadgets involved but until then, it's so long....

Re: Andrex

I've just received a response to my query from Andrex marketing department... I'm so glad people still have a sense of self-irony. Well, I still did not get my question answered but this does, definitely, suggest that some people are willing to go to great lenghts to satisfy a consumer in need...

Improbable Research

Last week's Nobel prizes timed with the Ig Nobel prizes for Improbable Research which has been long standing for those scientists who do not follow the trends, the normal and do not let themselves be taken over by what is the traditional. Last week's prizes ranged from, for example, the Artificial replacement testicles for dogs (Medicine prize); and my favorite, of a man Photographing and retrospectively analizing his food intake for the last 34 years (Nutrition).

Yet, I mention this for two reasons. One to congratulate the University of Oulu for supporting one of the winners for the Fluid Dynamics prize in their research of 'Pressures produced when penguins pooh -calculations on avian defaecation'. You can see the list of all winners (and past winners, along with all the information you need about the Ig Nobel: http://www.improbable.com/ig/ig-top.html

The other reason is just to inform you that I will send my application form to the Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientist (LFHCfS), and for that I need the help of my bald husband because in most of the photos he takes of me in the presence of my fluffy hair, he either delete the photo or dissappears it; therefore I have no evidence to send to the club. I don't like to speculate about his reasons to eliminate those images of me and my hair (which he explicitly conclude as 'too big'). That is why, now, that I have been able to know about this club, that I expect to have a place of free expression and support where my hairless husband cannot interfere with, and hopefully gain his understanding with the time. So please please, I need your moral support to motivate him take a photo of me with my opened hair which can get me into the LFHCfS.

I will keep you informed about the progress of the application and of its acceptance or, in the worse case scenario, of its rejection.

All quiet on the workfront

It's been a while again. Seems that even if I'm not that busy or pissed off I just cant get myself to put down some thoughts on a daily basis. Nor does anyone else here I see ;)

Work, the main pain, is still unclear to me of its future. There are no definite answers to almost infinite questions we've been trying to ask our superiors. It does appear, however, that my concern of being put back under my former boss was premature. This, hopefully means that I can enjoy some relative liberties at work again, which suits me just fine. I did go to recruitment offices just to find out that I still dont have a clue what I want to do with my life workwise. The day that becomes clear, I'll have a massive party and probably will end up getting fired for not showing up to my newly acquired dreamjob because of my formidable hangover. Worth a shot still, I'd say.

I wasn't able to find any cool photos or new gadgets this time. Only one thing came even close to approval but as it's just a concept, I keep my mouth shut at this point.

At least now I have time again to write something. Today I could recommend two things:

1. Pasta bake with Penne, Salsa Pasilla and minced beef.
2. Having freedom at work.

later...

Finally an invention that makes sense!

I recently called for technological innovations that could help us all achieve a better and easier lives. I believe that I've finally found one. You'll be the judge but this truly gives a new meaning for the term 'legless', if you know what I mean...

Hmm, just makes me wonder how to utilise this ingenious invention at home.....

[via Engadget]

Hostile Takeover? Freedom's gone...

This week has been pivotal for my future in at least one very significant matter. Work. The company I've worked for a couple of years was taken over by one of the major international players in the field and we have all gone through a lot of uncertainty and general feelbad. Today, it was announced that four of our employees are to be made redundant and the new organisation structure was also shown in public for the first time.

It appears that my position (in which I enjoyed some relative freedom) is now gone. I feel funny as my name was now under my former boss again. Great. I think that it all has a meaning and now the meaning is becoming clearer. I need to move on somewhere new and hopefully fast. By now, I'm sure that all my bitterness has become clear to everybody and I'm sure some might ask why so? Well yes, I still at least have a job but a job that I really do not want to do. Their way of telling me that it's time to go I guess. Who knows, only time will tell what will actually happen here...

Feel empty and somewhat reluctant to even try to work. If I'd know how, I'd write a blues about this and play it to myself. I'll just go home I think.... shit, that's still two and half very long hours ahead.

Boy, are you in trouble now!

If you are reading this from your work computer you should be very worried indeed. More importantly you should know if your employer has decided to screen your email and internet activity in order to find out your personal productivity level. If they have, well, I guess you can start collecting the photos and paper clips from your desk and make your own way out. Otherwise there might be someone at your office door, suggesting that you leave the company asap.

If you are still reading this from your work computer, stop it now! Go to google and type in anything related to your work and cross your fingers in the hope that somewhere in the netherworld of human resources the shady figure who has been looking at the log of internet pages you've been to recently will think: 'Ok, you got away this time. I can wait a bit longer'.

This is no joke, my friend. I was just reading an article 'Crisis of faith' in the Guardian online (from my home computer, I hasten to add!) about the trust - or the lack of it - between workers and employers and the elegant ways in which your employer can keep an eye on you.

Here's a quote that should make even the most reckless of you soil yourselves: 'Three-quarters of large companies monitor employees' email, reckons the American Management Association. More than a third track keystrokes and time spent at the keyboard. Half store and review employees' computer files, while 55% retain and review their employee's emails.'

Not impressed yet? How about this: 'There is no point asking if your employer is watching you. Take that as a given. Anyone in your IT department will tell you that sending an email is no different to sending a postcard. The real issue is trust. Can I trust my employer to watch me for my benefit?'

Ok, if you are still reading this from your work computer I suppose all hope is lost and you might as well start browsing some job sites and pray that your employer will not share the compromising data they have on you with your future employer. Either that, or you could just smash up your computer in the hope that the data has not been retreived for analysis yet.

I wonder if my key card will work on Monday?

Lazy, yet alive and kicking

This week has brought along.. what? Not a single post! We've been lazy, oh so lazy. Not to worry, I just might have a few words to spare.

Let's talk about weather. Isn't it the topic we all here in UK choose when there is shit-all else to chatter about? Well, today has been nice, really nice in fact. So nice that I'd much rather be outside trying to enjoy the last bits of the good old ray-ball before it gets off for its looong winter break. Just imagine, lying there on the grass (which is still green and nice btw) listening to some nice music perhaps, having a beer... Mmmm... beeerrr......

I gave in for the little technophiliac consumist inside me and ordered the new iPod nano (black 4gb). Ludicrous but ah, so beautiful! Can't wait to get my hands on it. Looking at the downsides, our desktop PC is soooo old (3 years) that it's lacking USB 2.0 ports for fast data transfer. I need to think about buying a PCI USB 2.0 card I guess. Luckily they're only about 15-20 of the local currency. Can't wait! The nano was dispatched yesterday and within 4 to 5 working days I should have my new toy.

Gadgets and new technology sometimes truly amaze me, and that's exactly what they're supposed to do - make people's lives easier and better. If only we could find a way of gaining the most out of new technologies for all of us on this planet....

Back to work. I'm on my lunch break so not much liberties this week unfortunately. By the way, meatballs with chipotles (smoked red jalapenos in rich tomato sauce) are absolutely gorgeous!

'til next time (hopefully sooner than later...)

Looking for Love?

Nygard's last post seems to have provoked someone to comment it. Now, we like this. Except when the comment suggest that we turn to the services of an online dating agency.

You never quite know what to think when someone offers dating service to you. Is he (A) just trying to be helpful and nice since we sound so bloody miserable, or (B) simply trying to take the piss? Personally, I reckon it's the secret option (C), i.e. that we are dealing with a money-grabbing low-life trying to make a living by advertising on our blog.

I also find it quite woryring that by default the joining form on the website expects you to be a 4' 0" (1.21m) tall, 80lbs. (36kg) heavy, 18-year-old kid from the States who would prefer any kind of relationship with a woman from 18 to 99 years of age.

Good luck with that guys!

Bitter words

I almost wrote a very angry and some might say grumpy post yesterday. Then I thought that if I'm going to be that angry why not try to make some sense out of it at the same time. Therefore, please take this as a warning if you are not willing to read my rant about life's lost meaning in the contemporary world.

Most of us living in the western societies are to some extent forced to follow the basic cycle of life. Get education, get a job, buy a car and a flat, get a dog and have some kids too. Do we really need to wonder what the meaning of life is anymore? Not really. In most cases our well-being and accumulation of capital for ourselves and our possible offspring seem to be the only driving forces of our lives.

This makes a helluva evolutionary theory. Just imagine, only those capable of taking part in the cycle will survive and prosper. This makes me wonder whether there is a genetic trait or some specific human characteristic that is the evolutionary trigger and thus the deciding characteristic for our survival? There must be a limit when this accumulation of capital will come to such state that there is none, or very little left to us commoners to share. Will we then see this as a triumph of evolution or as a disaster? Survival of the fittest, or the survival of those with the fattest stock investment portfolios.

It is frigging difficult to let all things just be as they are but what is there to do? The banality of the world has already reached formidable measures so how can I just keep on living without getting frustrated with other people not seeing or not being wanting to see how things really are. If more people would actually realise how this world fucntions, what are the underlying politics and why it is important to vote (I hear you asking: for who? Only thing I can tell you is ofr sure, not for GWB at least!!!) maybe the future could be slightly different.

However, the interface between the western people and the reality has become so blurry that many fail to see beyond the surface levels. Maybe the knowledge that the payday will be there at the end of each month keeps most of us ignorant and blissed...

Ok, enough of this rant. I still have two weeks until my payday. Until then, I keep thinking about how to survive in this world withouth getting too involved with politics.

Next time: less ranting, I promise.

Horrible, horrible, horrible!

It’s not easy, I tell you! You have no idea how hard I have to concentrate to write these words. The waves of sickness keep rolling over me like an army on a parade and the banging in my head just doesn’t seem to quiet down. To make things worse, I’m at work and supposed to be productive for the next few hours. Somehow I can’t see that happening.

Well, I guess I’m not entirely blameless for my sorry state. Yesterday when I was about to leave work an old friend called me and we decided to go for a coffee. Needless to say there was no coffee, but surprisingly lots of alcohol (although I did get a cup of coffee at his brothers house where we somehow ended up at 4am).

These get-togethers with old friends are great because already when you agree to go out you know it’s going to be a big night out. I mean, you just can’t go out for just one drink with a person you haven’t seen in a while, that would be outright rude. So you allow yourself a few drinks because it’s so-and-so, and you haven’t seen him in a good while, and it might be a while before you see him again. So, in the end you have successfully justified yourself a heavy night out.

Drinking with these old friends is always good. You know who you are dealing with, and if there is nothing new to talk about then you can always give into reminiscence. The problem is that you are no longer carefree students who can afford to go out on Tuesday nights without having to worry about getting up before noon the next day. For some perverted reason your employer has no understanding if you wish to take a day off because of your colossal hangover.

So here I am, in the office, with a pounding headache and a productivity level below zero. There must be some way out of this. Maybe I should set the fire alarm off. The noise would be quite difficult to deal with, though. Oh well, maybe I will just suffer in silence, but if there is a false fire alarm in your office building today, just remember: It wasn’t me!

Dude, that’s my youth

I’m not entirely sure when it happened. Not so long ago, I think. I can certainly still remember it being here. But then again, it does seem pretty far away now. Damn I miss being young. Or at least feeling young.

Youth is like a beautiful flower that should be cherished and allowed to blossom until the inevitable first frost comes and takes it away. Ok, that’s bollocks, but still, it was good to be young. The trouble is, you never realise how good you have it until it’s gone.

I suppose it comes with the age, but suddenly I find myself feeling very old when people I used to sit next to in school are buying cars and apartments all around me. It feels as if I’m the only fool not moving on with my life. But the fact is that I don’t particularly need a car or an apartment of my own. So why can’t I spend my money in the pub instead.

The sad thing is that more and more often I find that I’m in that pub alone, while my friends are enjoying their new cars and apartments. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just wish people realised that if you buy a house it doesn’t mean you are never allowed to leave it. It’s not like entering the Big Brother house.

Ok, I’m starting to sound like an old git again. Time to go to the pub, and find someone drunk enough to listen to my whining. Cheers!