Cross-eyed

Today, I've been mostly feeling warm. You know, that cosy sensation that makes you somewhat sleepy and calm. The only minor drawback to this is that I need to spend a good 8 hours of my day stuck in the office and I actually really feel sleepy. Need sleep.

Recently, I've had mixed feelings about my life as it is. I enjoy living in the UK to some extent and I think Xinola'll agree with me. We like the little things like the good selection of cheeses available, people being polite (when sober) and the fact that we can be what ever we feel like being without being scrutinised to the dot. There's nothing that I really despise here, but I miss things from Finland that I'm not sure I can even try to explain to anyone else.

I made a quick visit to see my oldest and best friends last weekend and I have to say, my confusion just got worse. The sense of comfort that I experienced from being with the people I spent my teenage years with was something ridiculous. Not to mention the emotion of warmth that overtook me when I hung my towel to dry in my parents sauna after a shower.

These are still just emotions and as such not enough to justify any drastic moves or decisions to be made. That much I realise. However, the idea of a possibility to move and work in Finland at some point is intriguing. In UK, people probably have somewhat better purchasing power and a wider selection of consumables available, sometimes even at a reasonable price. This, nevertheless, still seems to me like that's all there is in this country. Yes, there are the lakes up North and the coast and Scotland and yahdi-yah. Yet, there is no forest right there out of your doorstep, no cross sountry ski tracks starting from your rear garden, not tens of thousands of lakes into which you can jump in the summer and from which you can fish throughout the year, no saunas in your friends houses, and perhaps most importantly, no sensation of connection to the surrounding nature.

To some, I'm sure that the above paragraph reads like a provocative piece of poor argumentation but for me, it is becoming more evident that I am actually missing to fulfill some of the most basic needs that I have when living in the UK. Maybe I just cant escape the Finnishness I have in me as well as I've thought? Or maybe, the idea of a possibility of moving back there at some point is making me think these things differently? Who knows really. All I'm interested in is to have a good life-work balance (in that order) as it's quite difficult to manage in this world without a job but it's even more difficult to manage in this world if all you do is work. Whether this balance is more easily achieved in Finland or Britain, remains to be seen.

On another note, it's really windy out there today. Christmas is coming but I have no real feelings for that apart from spending a couple of nice days with Xinola, eating well.

I'll get me coat.